The worst feeling in the world is wanting what you KNOW is utterly impossible to have. Makes you feel all crummy because there's absolutely NOTHING that you can do or even try to do to obtain it. The lack of control that I have over this stupid want is driving me insane. Sigh~
Also..I feel a lil' crazy when I find the sound of my laptop's keyboard therapeutic. I know my recent posts have been very negative and emo but it's what I've been going through of late. Even I feel dark when I re-read all my posts. Anyway since I'm not particularly feeling very cheery and bubbly, I'm not gonna pretend that I am. I've gone off the pill so that my emo-ness won't take over and I've been pretty much able to control both my temper and emotions as they have not been unleashed all over the place. Pretty proud given that I would have loved to rip somebody's head off..I didn't. However I still pretty much feel the need to jab a screwdriver into his car and drag it ALL over and say "Oops! I couldn't control my temper." and shrug it off. Fucking retard. Be a bloody man and own up to your own mistake. Don't give me the bullshit about how you have a temper and how you can be a loose cannon. It doesn't make up for the lack of professionalism and leadership skills that you have. Think of who you're getting into trouble with and who you are dragging down with you before you fucking talk. Urgh.. fricken disgusted. Honestly the epitome of blatant stupidity and even that is an understatement.
Current Mood: Bloody pissed
Current Song: Everclear - AM Radio
Even now as I sit here writing this, I find myself deleting line after line and meticulously picking the right words to use.. double checking every sentence to ensure that I've not revealed too much. Maybe it's part of growing up. Maybe it's because I've started working and I no longer enjoy the ability to write whatever I want and not fear that someone might chance upon it and cause implications onto my career. Maybe because I'm now awared that people I know in real life are reading this.
Anyway, I'm gonna digress and thank everyone who's been kind enough to call or leave me a message on MSN just to check on me. The results came back negative except for a small tiny lesion on the right which I need to keep and eye on and go back for a check in 6 months. May the next post be a happier one:D
Current Mood: Bored
Current Song: Nickelback - How you remind me
My entire immediate family has been in and out of the hospital. It's really hard to stay positive and refrain from sinking into myself with the chain of events unfolding almost immediately one after the other.
My aunt suffered a stroke out of nowhere.
Mom was bedridden for two months
I found out that I had an ovarian cyst the size of an orange
Had the cyst removed and I honestly thought that was the end of it all
Fat boy's grandad had a cancer scare and had his intestines removed
The last of all my grandparents passed on.. a day before my RHCT exams
Dad found mom on the kitchen floor in a pool of blood. She was defecating blood the whole night and didn't want to wake us up because "you guys are really tired:". Hospitalized on the same day, which coincidentally was father's day, and was given 2 pints of blood. It was the first time that I saw my mom in that light looking small and frail.
A very very close cousin who I grew up with passed away at the age of 32 leaving behind 2 kids aged 4 and 6.
What started out as gastritis metasized into coronary artery disease and my dad is currently recovering from an angioplasty.. Fast forward 3 days after his bypass..
The doctor confirmed a lump in my left breast and am going for a scan tomorrow to get the characteristics of the lump.
It's been a long long 15 months. I'm praying really hard that I'm gonna go into the room tomorrow and learn that it's nothing after all. Manda thinks that something has disturbed the feng shui of the house and honestly, I don't doubt it. Sigh~ I just want all of this to be over and done with:(
Current Mood - Upset
Current Song - Moonlight Resonance's Theme Song
What is it with blogdrive and my posts not showing up 12 hours after I've published it! Fucking stress. Stupid engine.. This is not good for my rage ARGHHHH
EDIT: The posts decided to show when I forcedfed it with another post..
It's that time of the year again where all the unmarried people sit around doing nothing but extend their palms to receive free money and once again I'm really late in making the greeting on my blog. Sigh~ this place is really getting mouldy. Anyway.. not really in the mood to write long entries. In 15 months, over the span of 2007, 2008 and 2009, 3 out of 4 members of my family has gone in and out of Pantai. First it was me, then mom and now it's dad. Fricken' great way to kick start the lunar new year.
What started as acute gastritis and jaundice quickly metasized into heart failure. It's really difficult coming to terms that my parents are both aging really fast and it's scaring the living daylights out of me. All this feels really surreal and knowing that they won't be around forever is making everything that much harder. Arghh becoming super emo so I'm just gonna stop here. I hope everyone else had a better CNY than mine. Happy lunar new year all.
Another year has come and gone. 10 days into the new year and already I've been piled on with work, fallen sick and spent more than I earn. 2008 has seriously came and gone in a flash.
2008 has seen me
- distant myself from toxic individuals.
- meet up with manda after 4 years of online friendship.
- cope with losing two of the dearest people in my life.
- drive myself crazy with fear when mom was admitted into the hospital for the very first time in my life.
- worry about the deteriorating health of both my parents
- mellow out a little.....i...think
- drive fat boy's car up a curb (oops:P)
- buy myself a camera with my own moolah
- get myself my very first mani/pedi...addicted ever since.
- build a home with Fat Boy
- ok...this list is getting really difficult to write. I should add interesting things like Brazillian waxing or Bungee jumping or sky diving or backpacking across some exotic foreign land in my todo list for 2009. At least I would be able to say that I've been interesting in 2009.
May 2009 be a better year than the last. To a better year ahead!
Happy 2009 everyone!
Current Song: Jason Mraz feat. James Morrison - Details in The Fabric
Current Mood: Sleepy...yawn
With the intention of cleaning up my hard disk, I went through all my photos folders to delete unwanted shots and came across this picture. I've not shared it with anyone before because it reminded me of how crappy I felt when the picture was taken and also because it's embarassing showing the world what you look like after you've spent the entire night bawling your eyes out like the world was coming to an end or when you take the final scoop of Promite and realise that you no longer have Promite!
This was my attempt at a genuine smile
Taken last Saturday at his cousin's wedding
Current Mood: Stuffed
Current Song: Diana Krall - Just The Way You Are
I'm pretty much sick of eating presevertives laden fishballs outside so I finally got over my usual procrastination and got the recipe to making home made fishballs from my auntie who makes kick ass fishballs and fishcakes..yummy And because Christmas is coming and I'm in a giving mood, I'm gonna share it on my blog (READ: I just want to fill space in my now almost dead blog). Anyway here goes.
Prepare the ingredients as per below:
Clockwise from top: Fried onions, Corn Flour, Chinese Cabbage, Anchovies stock (you can use actual anchovies but I was too lazy to peel any), Ikan Tenggiri (Not sure what it's called in English though), Salt and Aji-no-moto (also known as MSG)
Chop the cabbage and make sure you wash it really clean. I've found worms residing in the middle of the leaves before. Not a pretty sight.
You would need to prepare 1/4 bowl of salt water. Use the normal rice bowl and dunk in about 2 teaspoon of salt. This is to taste, so if you like your fishballs really salty, just add more salt into the water. Just remember that you will need to boil the fishballs, so it would be wise to add a lil' more salt.
Slice the fish into half. You'll need to remove the backbone of the fish. Do NOT throw the rack of bones away. You can, however, bin those stray bones.
Use a spoon and start scraping. Scrape both halves and put them into a bowl...like that:
You're supposed to end up with this after you finish scraping the flesh away from the skin. Mash it with the spoon.
Add a teaspoon of corn flour to the fish flesh and a pinch of ajinomoto. Mix and mash.
Keep whisking until it looks something like that and becomes bouncy. And that's it, you're done with the fish paste!
Current Mood: Happy
Current Song: Ben E. King - Stand By Me
I know I've said in Plurk that I will update more in these few days. There's Fat boy's birthday to cover, mine and I'm about 1/4 finish with the home made fish ball post. I've just been really really busy lately and will update as soon as I'm done uploading all the pictures and before I forget all the intricate details of the events. Meanwhile..
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all!
Happy 23rd birthday Baby!
Thanks for being the fattest, gayest, most awesome boyfriend of all time and though you don't know it yet, I hope you have a great time today!
Muahhhhss.. I'll see you in about 2 hours when I poke you up for your tong yuens:P
1kg of Banana Chocolate and I complain that he's getting fatter:P
Current Mood: Sleepy..up to make glutinous rice balls
Don't buy Vista Security
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